1. Welcome to the Hot Seat Irfan Musliwala. Tell us a little about yourself off the field. What do you do for a living? What are your hobbies? Etc.
Off the field, I spend most of my day convincing myself I don’t need to download tik-tok. For work, I’m a consultant in private equity, which is a fancy way of saying I help rich people stay rich. Ever since COVID, my main hobby of going to the gym has been shot, so I’m a hermit crab now.
2. Who are your role models growing up and now? Why? What makes a good role model?
Tommy the Green Ranger was my role model growing up. He was cool, made unnecessary noises when punching the air, and played the flute. These were similarities that we shared when I was younger – minus the cool. Who I aspire to be now? My brother. He’s a pretty swell (and swole!) fellow to look up to 😊 What makes a good role model? A healthy balance between having your sh** together and drugs in moderation.
3. You are also an All-Star SAFL player. Which sport is tougher to play and why? What sport are you better at? Which sport do you enjoy more?
Did my mother pay you to say that I’m an All-star SAFL-er? Both sports are unique in their own right but I’d say SASL since every year we’re required to player rating gymnastics. I’m mediocre in both sports but would have to say I enjoy football more because Papa invites me to go see his band every weekend.
4. When did you start in SASL and how did you hear about SASL?
I think I started in 2010/11 after being unsuccessful in my Saturday league. I played in my Saturday league with Hash/Anwar/Saiful so I knew about SASL through those guys.
5. You have always had one of the better throwing arms in SASL. Any secrets on how someone can make their throwing arm stronger?
My mom definitely came up with these questions. I am flattered. Secrets? Yes. Live with your parents for as long as possible, save money, and use saved monies to inject your arm with steroids.
6. For your entire career you have played Outfield, but we saw you starting in the Infield in 2019 NL Semifinals. Why the change? Which position is harder to play and why?
We had a surplus of talent on that Shooter team, especially in the outfield. I volunteered earlier in the season to play the infield and it went alright, but not great. It was more to get other guys to play where they were most comfortable. Probably a bad idea in hindsight. Infield is definitely harder. You constantly have to know situations, go out for cuts, cover a bag. In the outfield, you stare at your nails and adjust your crotch between pitches and that’s it.
7. You partook in the 2019 SASL World Cup for Team India. Talk to us about that experience overall. Also why do you think Team India never advanced to knockout rounds in back to back SASL World Cups?
It was fun. Captain Pavy was paid off handsomely by Team Ireland to get us drunk between games so we ended up having no chance when we had to play them for our second game. If you ask Pavy about this now, he’ll deny it. I didn’t play the previous year but I’m pretty sure he had something to do with them not advancing that year.
8. You have won 5 championships in SASL (Spartans 2X, Savages 2X, and North 1X Fall).
-Toughest championship and why:
Savages ’19. Arguably the best finals ever, right? You SASL historians can debate. 3 games, all won/lost by small margins. Everyone had to be perfect.
-Easiest championship and why:
Savages ’17. No contest.
-Most enjoyable championship and why:
Savages ’17. First year of the cap and we were able to run the table.
-Your best performance in Finals:
Savages ’17. Yasar “Eisenhower ScrewJob” Bokhari somehow rigged the Finals MVP voting and stole what was mine. I haven’t spoke to him since.
9. What do you feel like are some of the key ingredients that make up a championship roster?
Talent. Camaraderie. Leadership. Montauk Summer Ale.
10. In your 9 year career, you also lost in 3 Finals (Empire ‘11, Spartans ‘16, Savages ‘18). Tell us what went wrong in each Finals.
-2011 w/Empire: Man, almost a decade ago. I don’t remember completely what went wrong, but I think they were without Joe/Ramy and still beat us.
-2016 w/Spartans: I didn’t play in these Finals so I’m unsure but I remember we weren’t really upset about losing this one lol.
-2018 w/Savages: Baba was fresh off of a LASIK surgery but mustered up courage any way he could to pitch. Unfortunately, he didn’t know that the side effects would be that his vision would still be impaired enough to not know where the strike zone was for 3+ hours.
11. If 2018 Savages won against The Mighty Ducks, you guys would have completed a 3peat. Famously, the Ducks rattled your pitcher in Game 2 that changed the Finals. Do you feel that changes should have been made sooner? What would you change about that series that may have gotten you the wins?
Kudos to the Ducks for not wanting to swing a bat during a slow-pitch softball game, but if our pitcher wasn’t offering anything close, you can’t really fault them. Hindsight is 20/20. That game worked out how it was supposed to.
12. 2019 season you were a crossover player for Savages and Shooter McGavins in the NL. How was it to play 4 games in 1 day? Would you ever do it again?
I played 6 games in a day and that was the most cocaine I ever had to do in my life to make it through those games. I would never do it again. The crossover part.
13. Shooter McGavins has a very successful overall season albeit a disappointing end. How do you remember your time there and why did you move on after 1 season with them?
Unfortunate ending after we started something like 14-0? Everyone on that squad had each others backs and really we never thought we were out of any game, even in the semis. It was a great team and I had a great time. Moved on because my friend Anwar promised me a championship this summer if I played on his team. I then remembered he was Commissioner of this league so I’m pretty sure we’re going to win/take the championship somehow.
14. This season you and Charley Robinson teamed up to bring In The North. Tell us about your offseason and recruiting players to fill in the roster like Shawn, Nick, Steve, Pappu, Saeed, etc. What was your strategy in creating the core and then filling in the team?
Charley is a legendary figure in the SASL community so it was more him turning down applications than him asking people to join us. Charley’s mantra in recruitment is the same as it is for his desire to win – “Don’t be a pu**y”. I did ask my one friend Tim to play. But he said no.
15. You guys have started undefeated. But looking at the landscape we can see at least 10 legit contenders. How do you feel about your chances? And give us who you think are your top competition.
I am terrible at knowing who the teams are and whos on what team. We have the all-white alliance in Chuck, Nick, and Steve so I think we’ll fare admirably. Top comp? We played The Ones so far and they’re deadly with the bats, so I’d say they’re up there. I gotta give it up to the Shooters – too much talent to not turn it around. And then whatever team has the most shaved bats, they are also our top competition.
16. You have been in the SASL for a long time. Give us your SASL Mt. Rushmore and why.
Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan and Hashim. He should be a level above the Hall of Fame list you guys came up with. Also Ammad for being able to start this league and have it become the success that it is.
17. What makes SASL different that any other league you played in or play for? What would be one change you would make if you could in the SASL?
Only other league I played for was those leagues in Queens. The fact that SASL is able to get fields that aren’t made of concrete and syringes is a plus, but also the quality content and stat keeping so that I could print out and stick on the fridge to show my parents what a star I am. I wouldn’t change a thing about the SASL. Keep on churning.
18. How have you kept busy during the quarantine? What did you miss most not being able to do?
I installed a bidet in my house so I can say I have the cleanest a-hole in the SASL. I miss working out and trying to avoid being in IG videos of douchebags lifting 100lb dumbbells for quarter reps. Sad!
19. Three words or less: Describe these players:
—Zulfikar Musliwala: Foul? Yeah, foul.
—Ali Musliwala: Stat keeping extraordinaire
—Ronak Jain: Cut his friend
—Anwar Sadat: Added his friend
—Charley Robinson: Atta baby!
—Pragnesh Patel: Billy two plates
—Yasar Bokhari: SASL All-Munchkin
—Saeed Anwar: Future IG influencer
—Joel Enai: Former North All-Star
—Shawn Abraham: WERTICAL! Rubber arm
—Jason Reis: Shalom!
—Dheeraj Ramchandani: Broke my ankles
—Ramy Abdelhamid: Gentleman
—Zimmad Imam: Jason Tyner stance
—Manju Shanmugam: Praise Allah!
20. Rapid Fire Round:
—Best SASL memory: Winning so many times ugh it is the bees knees.
—Worst SASL memory: Tearing/straining my hamstring rounding third, then laying on the turf and hearing Prince yell, “QUICK, WE GOTTA TAG HIM!” Lmao, I wasn’t going anywhere sweetheart.
—Most Talented SASL team ever: Savages. Periodt.
—Funnest SASL team you been part of: Savages/Shooters
—Favorite teammate ever: Habibullah Khandakar
—Worst SASL jerseys ever: Savages McDonalds
—Team you love facing the most: Shooters! Eventually.
—Most overrated player in SASL: Any pitcher
—Most underrated player in SASL: Any one who runs for fat people
—Best ASA bat ever: Flipper
—Favorite Nassau softball field: Cantiague A
—3 words to describe you: Always on time
—Most swagy player: Who the fook is that guy
—Your favorite vacation you been to: Wuhan China
—Next vacation destination: Outside
—Favorite TV Show: The Office
—Best beard in SASL: Easy. Mine
